Thursday, October 13, 2011

My Tawdriest Fantasy...

I've been a bit burned out lately, which is why I haven't posted in a couple weeks. One reason is that I HAVE NOT HAD A FULL NIGHT'S SLEEP IN NEARLY TWO YEARS.

Whew, sorry. I let my emotions get away from me a bit there. I didn't mean to yell. But really... since my beautiful second daughter was born 22 and a half months ago, she has not slept through the night ONCE. Her sister was also a terrible sleeper until just after she turned two, but she at least would let us get the occasional full-night's sleep. Little sis wakes up anywhere from two to six times a night, every night.

I had no idea anyone could survive sleep-deprivation for this long until I unwillingly tried it myself. I don't recommend it. I can only pray that baby #2 is like her big sister and soon magically starts sleeping through the night.

Most of the time I do OK with never getting a full night's sleep, but sometimes it catches up with me and I feel totally exhausted for a while, before I get a second wind. I am happily in the midst of one of those second winds now, but for the last couple weeks, not so much.

Being exhausted makes it that much harder to handle all the other stuff I have to do as a mom. I work part-time from home and I do the bulk of my work when my kids are sleeping. This means that I either get up before my kids do or stay up after they go to bed, which means for a good chunk of the time that my younger daughter is actually sleeping, I do not get to sleep. I am grateful for the work, because I need it, but I often wish I were one of those stay-at-home moms who don't have to work at all.

At 22 months, she also seems to be in the AP program for the Terrible Twos. She fights every diaper change, she bites every member of the family, she messes with me when I get her dressed, cook dinner, or the second I think I can sit down and take a break. Sometimes at the end of a day, I am completely exhausted and I fall asleep the second my kids do, which means I get zero me-time and zero time to spend with my husband that day.

So occasionally, this results in a week or two where I am just spent, and I lay low a bit. I slack off on the cleaning, I sacrifice things like blogging, I don't run as many errands. After a little rest, I get a second wind and then I can catch up on all the stuff I slacked off on before the sleep-deprivation hits me again.

When I saw the movie "Date Night," with Tina Fey and Steve Carell, when it got to the scene where Tina Fey's character talks about her fantasy of checking into a hotel room for a few hours just so she can eat lunch without anyone touching her, read a book and drink a diet Sprite, I laughed so hard, my husband began to look at me with concern. I have that same fantasy. Well, almost. My tawdriest fantasy is to check into a hotel room for a night, all by myself, shut those thick, blackout hotel curtains, get right into bed and SLEEP. Sleep until it's time to check out.

This is the kind of fantasy that a woman who hasn't slept right in nearly two years has. I thought I was weird until I told my mom about this little dream of mine. She said she had the exact same fantasy during my sister's first year of life, when she didn't sleep through the night once, either. She never did it, that I know of, but if my daughter doesn't start sleeping soon, I just might!
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